I didn't hurt him!

Well just to let you know the roid rage has seized. I am doing much better. I am no longer mad at the world!

Last night actually ended on a unforseen circumstance. I finished my blogging and was just doing some house work getting everyone ready for bed and got a phone call from my dad. I was doing laundry and didn't hear the phone ring, but noticed there was a message. I checked and it was him. I could hear in his voice that it seemed something was wrong. I hadn't talked to him in awhile so I was almost afraid to call him back and my grandma was the first thing that came to my mind. She has been frail for the past few years, so it made me a bit apprehensive to call him just for fear of the unknown.

Just to be clear, this is my dad's mother. I often talk about my Grandma Grace on this blog (she is my mom's grandma). This was not her.

I mustered up the courage to call within just a minute or two and he said that my Grandma was in fact very sick and in the hospital and not likely to make it through the night. I rounded myself up and headed up to Bixby hospital in Adrian. I thought all the way there that I felt very fortunate that I would have the chance to say goodbye if this was the end. I am so glad he thought to call me.

I got there and went to see her and spoke to her and told her how much I love her. I told her a few things about how thankful I am for the legacy that she has left for her family and a few other personal things I wanted to tell her. She was unresponsive when I was there (she had taken a quick turn for the worse a few hours earlier). However, it provided a certain closure that I didn't know I would get to have. I am so thankful to God that she is not suffering and that she passed peacefully. She put up one heck of a fight. She passed this morning at around 10:30am. My aunt the youngest of her 4 children and her only daughter was in Wisconsin for a wedding and there was a big concern that she wouldn't make it in time before Grandma's passing. She did make it around back to Michigan around midnight. That relief that she made it in time will forever be etched in my memory and I think it is a good memory. I kept sending up prayers once I knew my aunt was on her way, God if its your will please let Aunt Denise make it here to say her goodbyes. I heard my aunt tell her mom, "thank you, you have been such a great mom and you have fought so hard for the last few years". I know that has to make my grandma humbly proud. Motherhood was certainly her biggest passion and all us moms know that motherhood doesnt come without being tough! She sure was a tough cookie!

My Grandma has undoubtly been the matriarch of her family and she was serious about her kids an their families. My mom has always told me that my grandma taught her so much when she was growing up, as my parents were high school sweethearts and then married (for those of you who don't know me that well, my parents have been divorced since I was small and are now both remarried), however beacause my mom and dad were together at such a young age im sure there was alot for both of them to learn and im thankful my mom was able to share some of those things with me that Grandma Howard taught her. It's so incredible to have her in our lives and just have all those things she passed on about herself in ways im sure she probably didn't even realize that she was. However in many ways im sure she was very concious of the things she WAS passing on too. She is a very noble woman.

I realize that some people may find it odd that I chose to include all this on my blog because it is such a personal matter of the heart, however... I just want everyone and myself to be able to look back and see how special she is and will always be to me and my family. Thank you Grandma for fighting so hard. I am so lucky to have had you in my life for 27 years. I am so greatful that you got to meet Carson and get some pictures with him over the last year. I of course wish selfishly we could have more of you and your time, but I am so happy for you that you are now at peace and home with Jesus. We will miss you so much, but my promise is that all the wonderful mothering tendencies you taught me thorough my parents and aunts and uncles about family and the importance of it will remain in my kids. Again thank you for always keeping your family close. I can really understand that having kids of my own and it makes it that much more important. Im sure each time I watch Dr. Phil I will think of what your thoughts might have been about that particular topic. The smell of fresh laundry each time I smell it will remind me of you. Now thats a perfect Grandma touch if I ever saw one! Afterall you knew all the laundry tricks and I LOVED the smell of your laundry area and freshly laundered sheets! Rest in Peace Grandma Howard! I love you very much.

Thank you to all of you for your prayers for our family. Please keep all of them in your thoughts over the next few days.